When we think of ideal relationships our mind immediately goes to things out of a Disney movie. We think of only the cute or the desired things. Posting up nifty pictures with relationship goals as a header of everyone wearing the matching shoes, Great mind blowing physical intercourse, days of I love yous and I want yous and just anything that get you that warm feeling inside you. There is nothing wrong with that, we all should express what we desire from our relationships! The thing is we hardly have Major media giving us information that teaches us how to avert issues and conquer problems. Within our mind, we have the things that make us want to get into a relationship but don’t know how to make the relationship stay because we lack the tools. One of the biggest key points I hit on in my book I am writing “100/100 Relationship” is that a relationship cannot just exist. It needs the appropriate nutrients from both individuals in order to make things last, and Last happily. Now I can’t give you everything in this short blog that is what the book is for.
What I can do in this moment, is give you vital pieces of information that teaches you about three of the biggest enemies to a relationship and explain of how to deal with them. The enemies are lack of time, the lack of effort and the lack of understanding. These 3 are what i call root issues. Because a lot of major issues i have found through my coaching others is that 95 percent goes into these 3 categories.
LACK OF TIME: Time is a beautiful thing; without a doubt it’s our most valuable resource. We could lose money and get it back, we could lose hope and That could return, we can even lose our health and at times find our way back to an healthy life. But one thing we cannot get back is time. Time is significant! The rich use their precious hard earned money buy time so they can spend with family, go vacationing in places where they want to relax at and enjoy the life they created. So our time is our treasure that has more value then the money we work hard for. And how we spend it dictates what is important to us. So when our lives get so busy that we do not make time for our significant other. It tends to make them feel as if we don’t value them. Trust me I know life gets busy, there is 24 hours in a day, most likely 8 goes into sleeping, 1-2 goes into transportation to work, 8-10 goes into work and out of those 5 – 7 days a week and we still got to fit other things in such as eating, fitness and etc. But when you refuse to make time or even incorporate your better half with in your schedule it makes them feel as if they are not a priority. When that happens it creates a feeling of unappreciation, you know the feeling of being unwanted which could cause major damage if it continues.
Things you can do:
- Set a time that is exclusively for them, rather it is one -hour a day or one day a week. Highlight them as the star of that moment.
- Incorporate them in the things that you do, Sometimes you are just a avenger of success. You want more out of life so create ways for you to incorporate them into your plans so they can share that light with you.
- Plan out things! Schedule little dates with them.
“The real secret to giving someone the time of their life is by using your time to make sure you magnify how special they are in your life.” The author of this quote is me, yea I just made it up. post it and Tag Supamann Barnes in it. 🙂
LACK OF EFFORT: A lot of people do things when they feel like it. It’s like actions are based on the current moment of their emotions. Don’t get me wrong when I speak about moment; I completely understand that there is a certain time for certain things. I also know the power of our emotions but that is our controlled emotions. The issue that I’m speaking on is when you refuse to make necessary steps because in the moment “you don’t feel like it.” When you do this, you put yourself in a place where you have no control. Because you are not shaping what you want but you are being shaped by your current emotional state. Which is why a lot of people enter into a relationship with a high drive, willing to do a lot for their relationship in the beginning. That is because of the emotional rush of the new jitters but once time goes by and those jitters disappear you set back into your natural habits. And some people tend to begin to do less for their relationship. Because their actions was driven by emotions rather then controlled decisions. You have to be willing and decide to put in the effort to do what’s necessary in order to make the relationship work. You need effort to take things to the next level, you need effort to solve a problem, you need effort to display appreciation, and you need effort to express love. The moment effort is absent is the moment things tend to fall. Effort is a decision to go against things that hinder you, in order to accomplish something. It is one of the nutrients that makeup the foundation of your relationship. This segment can go deeper but in order for that WAIT FOR THE BOOK!
Things you can do:
- Just do it! Stop waiting for the right time, or the right set of emotions to come across you. Do what’s needed in order for you to cultivate whats wanted.
- Train your emotions by focusing on how special your person is to you. Sometimes people ignore the good things in their relationship. It is absolutely important for you to Focus on the good in the relationship and maximize those thoughts so you can train emotions to work for your relationship and not against. I look at my queen like she is the best and most amazing woman in the world. Its easy for me to compliment her by how i focus on the good in her.
- Emotional affirmations! combine your emotions with words. Tell yourself what you will do with an emotional state of urgency. I WILL MAKE SURE MY LADY WILL FEEL LOVED! I WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES FOR MY RELATIONSHIP. when someone ask you a question about your relationship respond with a affirmation that inspires you to do more. “MY QUEEN IS AMAZING!” Stating it with your words will make it your agenda but when you say it with emotion it becomes your objective.
- Stop second guessing! Transform yourself from a “I guess we can do that”, to a “consider it done” type of mentality.
Remember: Effort is actions that were decided to be attempted.
LACK OF UNDERSTANDING: Have you ever had a conversation with someone who spoke a different language from you? Both of you are talking but no-one is comprehending each other. Were you able to build a relationship with that person rather it was as a worker, friend, coworker or anything? 9 and a half times out of 10 the answer is no! Which is where we find the biggest enemy out of these 3, the lack of understanding. One person can say I love you and it will be completely sincere while the other person giving their time to make the statement I love you. But the other wants them to say it and the other want more time. Both love each other but their comprehension of the characteristics of love and what’s necessary can slightly be different but cause big issues because both of them don’t feel love because they don’t understand how each other desire it. Everyone have their own love language, and just like speaking to someone using a foreign language. If you don’t understand what their language is, it’s almost impossible to build anything with that person. The thing about understanding is that people level of understanding differs as they grow so if one person understanding is going one way and the other one is going the other way, It causes confusion. We have to make sure that we are communicating in order to build understanding not just from what we say but by what we do and how we perceive things. Because that is what makes the difference if understanding can be our closest ally or our biggest enemy to our relationship.
Things you can do:
- Talk about each other views! Communicate about what you need from your relationship and be patient to retrieve it. Doing something different doesn’t always just happened its acknowledged then people grow into the habits. As long as their is sincere effort.
- Verbalize yourself in a non-aggressive way, people tend to respond to aggression with defensive aggressiveness and that doesn’t allow people points to get across just defend or justify their actions.
- Read books about understanding one another, The Five love languages is a great book. I am going to also put plenty of information on this subject in 100/100 relationship.
Understanding each other is just breaching each-other minds in order to find out the ways of their heart to get to their heart. It is no such thing of a love that has reached its end for people who forever tries to learn about their partner.